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Terus Bergerak!

Renungan

Ini tentang refleksi diri sendiri. Saya menyadari, belajar yang dianjurkan dalam hidup adalah bukan hanya menyangkut lingkungan kita atau orang lain. Yang paling utama bagi saya adalah mempelajari diri sendiri. Kejadian di luar diri termasuk keadaan dan sikap orang lain terhadap sesuatu adalah materi untuk mempelajari diri sendiri.

The best journey is the journey within. Pencerahan menjadi proses yang menyenangkan dalam diri. Saya termasuk orang yang paling suka melihat, mendengar kemudian diam dan berpikir.

Baru-baru ini saya sungguh merasa sangat sibuk, seakan bernapas pun saya sulit mencari waktu apalagi untuk tidur dan rileks. Kerjaan tiba-tiba menumpuk untuk diselesaikan, urusan keluarga juga. Semua membutuhkan energi yang tidak sedikit.

Tiba pada saatnya saya merasa menyerah. Saya bahkan bertekad dalam diri saya. Saya mau istirahat dan tidak mau diganggu oleh urusan pekerjaan. Itu saya putuskan saat saya mengantarkan anak-anak ke Temboro, pesantren Al Fatah. Dan saya mulai rileks, mulai lemah… dan sakit.

Ya, ternyata saya tidak boleh berhenti bergerak. Ini sudah yang kedua kalinya saya mengamati diri saya tidak boleh bersantai. Saya bahkan merasa ini semacam “kutukan”. Apa mungkin nenek moyang saya memang pekerja rodi yang harus bekerja keras agar dapat hidup? Bukan soal bekerja kemudian mencari uang dan bisa membeli makanan untuk hidup, tetapi bisa hidup karena harus terus bergerak dan terus bergerak.

Pekerjaan atau kesibukan yang memicu saya berpikir dan bergerak rupanya itulah yang membuat saya “hidup”. Mungkin saya memang seperti ikan salmon, yang konon jika ditangkap oleh nelayan di laut agar tetap membuatnya segar harus ditempatkan bersama hiu kecil. Harus struggle untuk survive. Jika tidak ada pemangsa, ikan-ikan ini akan mati karena loyo. Dan nelayan tidak mendapatkan ikan yang hidup lagi setibanya di pantai. Mungkin itulah juga mereka memilih hidup di tempat yang berarus keras, penyuka tantangan.

Orang yang mempekerjakan saya harusnya beruntung, saya tidak perlu diberi target untuk bekerja karena saya akan mencari sendiri apa yang harus saya lakukan untuk pekerjaan yang terbaik. Tetapi itu dari sikap fisik. Yang lebih utama adalah saya harus terus berpikir, tidak boleh berhenti. Mungkin saat rileks saya adalah saat bekerja dan memang saya menikmatinya. Semoga saya selalu diingatkan untuk tidak berhenti, tidak menyerah. Menyerah berarti Mati! Merdeka!!!

 

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